Transforming the
Terrible Secret of Suicide
Mike Day with his K9, Herja. Photo from @mikeday5326/Instagram
By Greg Walker (ret)
USA Special Forces
I wrote this article some years ago and have rewritten it today in memory of my Brother, Friend, and fellow SOCOM Care Coalition co-worker, former U.S. Navy SEAL, Mike Day. Mike, severely wounded in 2007 during a raid, took his own life earlier this year. After recovering physically from his gunshot wounds he began working on the behavioral health side of the coin and became an amazing SOCOM Care Coalition case manager and advocate. In 2020, his book Perfectly Wounded was published and became an instant success. Somewhere along the way Mike’s life again began to slip into the dark spiral of suicidal ideation and self- despair. His passing shocked our shared communities to their core. Mike’s book, his story, is important and more relevant today in lieu of his passing. His death reminds us to be constantly vigilant regarding our own mental health and that of our Brothers and Sisters, our families, and our friends.
This paragraph from Mike’s book reveals how his inner anguish and pain re- surfaced three years later but this time fatally. “…I fully believed I was thinking rationally, I know now that I was not. My irrational thoughts had started repeating themselves: the world would be better off without me. I don’t care anymore, I just want out of here. I’m a horrible person. My future will just be filled with more of the same stress.”
I have re-written and updated this article because Mike, this past March, was wrong. He was an amazing person; and we are not better off without him here. And his life and his story as recounted in Perfectly Wounded is now more than ever a “must read” for us all.
Because the darkness can resettle in.
Lest we forget — https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZX3F2hvFhIc
U.S. Navy photo by Mr. Oscar Sosa (Released)
In 1962, my grandfather on my father’s side took his own life. This after murdering his estranged wife. His murder-suicide shook our immediate and extended families to the core. I was just eight years old and loved both deeply.
The aftershocks and ripples of that singular act were catastrophic for many, many years. My father, his oldest son, changed entirely as he grew older. His anger, fear, remorse, and self-hatred that came from the event consumed him. He isolated
—never explored counseling at any time although he could have afforded the best
—and died without meaningful resolution.
Twelve years ago, given the incredible training and real-world experience I had working with the U.S. Special Operations Command’s Care Coalition as a Warrior Care provider and in lieu of nearly ten years on the street as a police officer with experience investigating suicides and attempted suicides…I investigated my grandfather’s most terrible act.
I discovered no one else in the family had — to include my dad and his two brothers. And I discovered what we all thought was an accurate account was not. We had all lived our lives believing bad information, trauma generated recollections, and the masking of the event even having occurred (The Terrible Secret).
I learned the facts from reading the reports and asking questions, lots of questions, of those of our families still alive and willing to talk. I then shared the true story with everyone to include my father in a three-page letter.
The healing process began…for those who wanted to heal.
I was blessed to spend ten years working with our most seriously wounded, injured, ill, and suicidal. I was well educated along the way —and well trained. I was privileged to participate with equally skilled (many much more so) advocates and clinicians, police officers and hospital staffs, and family members of great courage, to successfully intervene in active suicidal situations.
We continue to lose between 35-40 Active Duty/National Guard/Reservists and Veterans a day to suicide. That is a body count we should be ashamed of. Too many trans-generational war fighters over the past 20 years of ongoing armed conflict. Fathers, sons, mothers, daughters, husbands, wives, grandchildren, friends, family…deceased by their own hands.
There are no memorial walls for those who take their own lives. The stigma of suicide ensures silence, shame, and secrecy. However, this cultural branding is changing. We know more about what takes our loved ones to the precipice of death by their own hands. And we are learning more to care for those left behind and to break the chain that suicide in a family or in a military unit can create unless challenged.
To kill the Most Terrible Secret you must expose it to the light of Love, Truth, and Self-Care. You must band together with like-minded warriors and fight the good fight.
And if the suicide is successful you then turn to those left behind, as I have, and self-educate, self-care, and seek professional counseling. Breaking the chain is possible – and important – as is re-learning to love the ones we have lost.
Because suicide is not painless.
MSG (ret) Leroy Petry, Medal of Honor, on the challenges of adversity and embracing one’s life because “we only get one go-around here on earth and if we don’t take care of it…it’s not going to last.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZMXSr8S-nVQ
Here are some of the exceptional resources in the war on military service-connected suicide that I have professionally worked for or with and with great success.
“No Fallen Comrade Left Behind”
Lines for Life Military Helpline
https://www.linesforlife.org/mhl/
Military One Source Confidential Counseling
https://www.militaryonesource.mil/confidential-help
The Mighty Oaks Veterans Warriors Programs
https://www.mightyoaksprograms.org/
The Green Beret Foundation
https://www.greenberetfoundation.org/
The Cedar Hills Hospital Military Program
https://cedarhillshospital.com/treatment-services/the-military-program/
Wounded Warrior Project Veteran PTSD Treatment Support Resources
https://www.woundedwarriorproject.org/programs/mental-wellness/veteran-ptsd-treatment-support-resources
VA Military Crisis Line
https://www.veteranscrisisline.net/
ABOUT THE AUTHOR — Greg Walker is an honorably retired “Green Beret” and wounded warrior. Today he lives and writes from his home in Sisters, Oregon, with his service pup Tommy.
Dear Sir,
Suicide is the worst grief ever to bear. My son was not in the military, but he suffered his demons from an early age. He tried to end his life when he was 17 over a girl. Doctors gave him medication that made him crazy. We were estranged for over a decade and he cut off his friends and family. Devastated when the police came around to tell me that he was gone. Suicide cannot be swept under the rug. Too many young people gone too soon. Too many doctors prescribe medication that doesn’t work, looking for a quick solution.
Thanks for listening.
Thank you for your service.
Lori Champion
Ian’s mom forever 33.
thanks for the work you do educating us about the issue of suicide . Especially if military people
This is hard to hear that 35 people kill themselves everyday in the military. We need to have better care for them. My heart hurts for your brother. Just because he heard so many lies and believed them…Intrusive thoughts are overwhelming. your brother survived gunshot wounds, and he had purpose and meaning on this earth… We gotta do better in this world for our military. Thank you for educating us. You’re writing is Inspirational
Master Chief Day appeared to have made a good recovery from his wounds and had been active in the community. I listened to him on Thom Shea’s podcast and a few others. Your article is helpful in opening up this subject. Sometimes a minor stressor can trigger a gestalt cascade of trauma. This can override even someone like Master Chief’s Day survival instinct. Your recommendation to seek support from those that care about us is important to keep repeating in order to counteract those distorted thoughts. We need to preserve the lives and wisdom of our warriors in order to become a better society.
I wasn’t SF, just a medic who saw a lot of people die.
Some from disease, others trauma, a few ( a smaller number fortunately) by their own hand.
After my separation date, I worked as an EMT in a Level Two trauma center, then as an Orthopedic Tech/ER Tech in a Level One (UCSD Medical Center). Again, I saw the effects of what we called “Trauma Drama” in those who’d been exposed to combat or other extreme physical/emotional situations.
I’d learned to “turn it off” emotionally and just deal with the physical side of their injuries.
It was a necessary defense mechanism, but had an effect of its own in my personal life.
About five years ago, my son Jason took his own life. He’d been in trouble with the law, had a drug problem, and was looking for a way to remove himself from that environment. He had been estranged from the family and years since I’d spoken with him. One day he emailed and asked if he could come live with me.
Even his mother said it wasn’t a good idea unless I wanted to have to deal with his problems 24/7.
So I refused. He was dead less than a month later.
There is something very personal about suicide (mentioned in the article above) that struck me.
It’s the guilt we the living feel for NOT getting more involved and supporting those affected so greatly by their own demons.
Thank you Mr. Walker for reminding me of that. It’s like a booster shot.
Thank you for sharing this Mr. Walker, I came across your post over a year ago but today I was brought back and felt like sharing.
I first heard about Mike when his book was released. I immediately got it and listened to the audio version which is very special b/c its read from him. I must have listened to that book over a dozen times over several months, going back for motivation and inspiration on a drive even years later. I have shared sections of the book with my 3 young boys and we would sit back and listen to the incredible story of Mikes life.
I remember the day I heard about his passing and even though I never met him personally hearing about it messed me up and still does. However, Gods plan is greater and I know b/c of the way he(Mike) impacted me in positive way there is so much more God will continue to use with Mikes life story for years to come.
My heart breaks for his wife and daughters. God bless his family and those close to him.